How to update Adobe Flash Player on OS X in only 48 easy steps!

Here’s Adobe’s INSANELY convoluted and confusing process for updating Flash on OS X:

1) You’re notified that there’s an update to Flash, so you click the button to update.

2) The “Adobe Flash Player Install Manager” application launches. (seriously, who the crap comes up with this stuff?)

Update_Adobe_Flash_Player3) Click the “Download” button in the “Update Adobe Flash Player” window of the “Adobe Flash Player Install Manager” app that’s running. (why is the window name not the same as the application name? there’s only one window. ugh.)

4) You’re taken BACK to the browser that you were just yanked out of by Adobe’s annoying installer.

Flash_Player_Download_page5) You’re asked to do the REAL download (that other “Download” button in step 3 was just a link to their web page where you can get the actually installer). You realize the button says “Install now”, so I guess this is all I need to do and then I’m done. WRONG!

6) Download the file.

7.1) If you’re browser is set to auto-launch .dmg files, you’ve got it easy (kind of). The installer should launch automatically for you.

7.2a) But if you disabled this feature (which is a huge security issue, IMO), then you have to hunt down the downloaded .dmg file (named “AdobeFlashPlayerInstaller_14au_ltrosxd_aaa_aih.dmg” in this case)

7.2b) Double-click that to mount on your desktop, then you still have to…

7.2c) Double-click the installer application that lives inside that .dmg

Adobe_Flash_Player_Installer_dmg8) You’ll probably be notified that the application was downloaded from the Internet, and need to confirm that you do, in fact, wish to open it.

Adobe_Flash_Player_app_warning9) Since Adobe Flash Player needs admin-level permissions for whatever reason, you’re prompted to enter your username and password (if you’re an admin-level user, otherwise, you’ll need to enter a username and password for a different user that has admin privileges, which you may not be able to do, in which case, no update for you!).

Adobe_Flash_Installer_Permissions10) The “Adobe Flash Player Installer” downloads some other mystery file from the internet (could be anything at this point, and since you’ve given Flash your admin info, it can launch whatever it wants – maybe a nice shell script that does a sudo rm -Rf / on you?

11) If you have any of the following open: System Preferences, Firefox, Safari, or Google Chrome, the installer will halt until you close them, and THEN you can proceed.

Adobe_Flash_Player_Installer_RETRY12) Make sure the 300 tabs you have open don’t have anything important going on in them (like, ironically enough, writing a blog post about how shitty Adobe’s Flash Player bullshit is).
13) After clicking “Retry”, wait another 30 seconds for the installer to figure out what’s going on.
14) Installation complete. IT’S A FUCKING MIRACLE!

Adobe_Flash_Player_Installer_FINISH15) But wait! There’s More! Adobe launches your browser AGAIN and takes you to a page that confirms and congratulates you on making it through the hell known as their “Adobe Flash Player Browser Plug-in Updater Installer Manager Application Program”

Flash_Player_confirm_page16) Oh, and they spam you on this page to try to get you to drop your precious $$$ on their shitty software. Alright, Lightroom is pretty good, but c’mon, I just wanted to watch some silly kitty videos.